lauantai 2. elokuuta 2014

Desert Trip

Here's a little something I made yesterday. I also drew some desert pictures and wrote a short story, they come as a PDF when you download the album. It's free anyway, sort of a soundtrack for the story. I am obsessed with deserts, I feel the most comfortable when I can't hear any man made noises, no cars, no construction sites, no traffic.. I've been living in cities for nearly ten years for now, so I think mental deserts are my escape, my meditational retreat from all these suburban soundscapes. Also, when I play my music to random people, two first names to come up are usually Morricone and Tarantino, which I find interesting, since I was playing them music and not showing them movies. But the thing is, desert is in the atmosphere. And I think Tarantino and Morricone both draw their atmospheres from the same mental desert I do. The solitude, silence put in sounds, silence filling the music in a really odd way. It may sound absurd, but you can fill music with silence, you can weave it into the sounds, this is something I am still observing, studying, eager to learn how to master the art of hidden silence, but I think it is quite essential for someone truly to become the "zen master" of his practice, you need to learn to include complete silence in the noise, to understand they are both pretty much the same thing from different angle. I dream of deserts, and I wish when I get old I'll have a donkey and I'll be living on a desert. It would be great. Now here is the short story, and here are the images.

I had bought myself a worn out old Ford. It wasn’t an actual beauty, but it sure was cheap. As a matter of fact it was the ugliest one in the shop, which in itself was a sheer horror show. Everything was greasy and dirty and they played some shitty music on the radio, you know, the kind of up-tempo songs with minor chords and some sevenths here and there to make everyone feel even more miserable. The owner seemed to have given up on his employees. That slimy car salesman had promised me it would not get me past thousand miles. I took it. I just wanted to drive to the desert, for once not to think about any consequences of my actions, just DO IT! And I did it. I drove on into the night, down the dirt road as fast as I could. I knew not what awaited me at the end of that road, I did not know, nor did it matter, since it was the road I had chosen to drive until the car would run out of gasoline or I would simply collapse. I had no further intentions whatsoever, just to drive, drive, drive into the break of dawn, into the arms of tomorrow, to drive towards my freedom.

I had walked for hours, but the darkness seemed unbreakable, as though it would have been only thickening around me since the beaten up car ran out of gas. I did not mind, though it was cold, it was silent. Lizards and vultures escaped me as I tried to find my way through the darkness. Moon seemed like a huge bowl of moldy soup in the dark sky, but it helped me see as soon as my eyes got used to it’s dim light. The desert seemed to weave a web of tranquility around my nerves, I hoped this night would never come to an end, I was hoping maybe this could be the night I'd depart from my flesh. Although the thought had always terrified me, I thought there would be no better time. Right here, right now. It would be a life complete. It would be a destiny fulfilled.
When the stars started to blend into the twilight of a new dawn, I could not believe I was still amongst the living. I kept walking, for there was pretty much nothing else one could do in the desert without any other mean of transportation than one’s own two good feet. I passed a skeleton of a bovine creature of some sort, seeing death "live" sent chills down my spine and brought back the love for this flesh, these mortal eyes that one day would stare blindly into the break of another dawn, not recognizing it, not understanding the sight, not having a concept for understanding, not to mention concept of mere existence, my hopes of losing my life seemed like a distant dream, something that had happened to someone else instead of me. I felt like a snake, shedding my old skin, crawling out of my old self, and I understood, that this would be a brand new dawn, like no other I had seen in my whole life. I kept walking, until I found a gas station along the road. It would be a lie to say I didn’t feel disappointed at myself, when I found my weakened hand opening the door and walking in, telling the tired clerk to call an ambulance.