So I made another set of albums, these two are completely different from one another, yet they come from these same hands, these same fingers, same head, same set of lungs and brains and colon and intestine and whathaveyous. It's the undisputed awesomeness of humanity, to be able to participate in such creation, and still be rather uncertain whether you "were" there or not. It's what drives me on, to observe these blank moments, when you do not exist in anywhere else beyond your creation. It's merely just you and what you do, you are the same thing, and nothing else. You are One.
<iframe style="border: 0; width: 100%; height: 120px;" src="http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/album=2689083921/size=large/bgcol=ffffff/linkcol=0687f5/tracklist=false/artwork=small/transparent=true/" seamless><a href="http://j-kill.bandcamp.com/album/remaining-light-2">Remaining Light by J. Kill & Starvation Army Band/ Mr. Mule</a></iframe>
This first one is mainly acoustic, thoroughly instrumental, affected by pretty much everything I like, infected with influences, stolen things left here and there, scattered around the crime scene, spread around like ash. It's all still same music, same album, same source. Somehow, at some point of my life, I became this transmitter for all these songs. I consider them songs no one else wants, since they come to me so eagerly, jumping out of my fingers before I even grab my guitar. I can still remember the exact moment I had recorded my first song without any aid from anyone else. It was my experiences from a day before, the isolation I felt when a friend of mine wanted his old friends out of his house while he was focusing on substance abuse with his new friends, who were similarly inclined. I did not carry any grudge, since most of our common friends were drunk and loud, and he was just chilling and about to fall asleep, I felt a bit sorry for him. But I remember thinking how the dividing process has now become, how things change and become completely different with time. And I made a song out of it. It was also the last day I saw my grandmother alive, so it felt kinda strange.
<iframe style="border: 0; width: 100%; height: 120px;" src="http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/album=834205900/size=large/bgcol=ffffff/linkcol=0687f5/tracklist=false/artwork=small/transparent=true/" seamless><a href="http://j-kill.bandcamp.com/album/soul-deconstruction-site">Soul Deconstruction Site by J. Kill & Starvation Army Band/ Mr. Mule</a></iframe>
The second album is something I consider bearing some resemblance to early Swans, Godflesh, Scorn, Jesu, or any band the old Napalm Death guys have formed. I can definitely see how grindcore pushes on your definitions of "heavy" as in terms of music, and you want to create something heavier, because the things you hear inside your head keep getting heavier. Being simply fast does not cut it. It needs to satisfy a certain dark part in your soul to really make you complete. Fast is good too, but your vision gets blurry rather quick and it loses the chaotic aspect it used to have. Heaviness comes from the sensation of being uneasy, making it hard to listen, having little to hold on to, distracting, disturbing... that's what I'm trying to create. These are the sort of loops I hear in my head, when I travel buses and trains and walk among other human beings, these are the sounds of urban landscape to me.