maanantai 30. kesäkuuta 2014

To either drown or burn.

I received the C-cassettes of The Doors of Deception today, we got 10 copies for ourselves and I numbered them myself, by my own numb little fingers. Now, If  you want to write a review of the album (which I'd quite like to read, since we did not send them anywhere besides now deceased Damned By Light, Grind To Death, and Inferno Magazine) it's about time you ask us right now. I'm going to take them to Hylkiö Fest next friday, and I'm gonna sell the fuck out if someone does not specifically ask for them. Although the 30 euros we're probably (not) going to make will go into the upfront payment of our new rehearsal space. We don't even have any gear to bring with us!

Lately I've been reading a lot of Samuel Beckett, poems, novels and interviews.In my opinion, he was a musician in literary world. He was criticised for fingering his own art, but to me it seemed just like arrangement, when you have different instruments, you need to re-think the concept of whatever it is you are doing. I can see the same process going on in his work, when he started translating his own work from France to English and vice versa, it's just adjusting the same work of art into a different instrumentation. The same think when you adapt plays to fit the concept of television, it's just like electrifying acoustic songs. What fascinates me the most is his view on world. I can feel the same frustration over mortality, the sometimes crushing weight of humanity over my shoulders, the consciousness that keeps feeding me hopelesness, melancholy and insecurity. This all, writing and screaming, are the things that help me release all that energy. Peter Dolving said that screaming is wasted energy, a somewhat wasted effort of a frustrated mind. I can see that, but I have no other option. The choice is simple. Either release it, or burn out. You need to feed all this negative shit to the fire, or it will burn you out. The best you can hope is that the flame dies out on exactly the same moment you run out of all the negative shit. Otherwise you'll drown into a tsunami of shit. So, to either burn or drown, these are my options. I just need to balance on the brink and make the most out of it.

I'm eagerly waiting how the other end of our new album will turn out. Now we have approximately 9 minutes ready, so we are half-way through the full-length. This is where it gets truly interesting, since there has been a lot of shit going on in all our personal lives recently, and it will have it's own effect on our music. I'm just waiting to get back to work. Frustrated for every delay. I need this now. We all do.

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