maanantai 30. kesäkuuta 2014

To either drown or burn.

I received the C-cassettes of The Doors of Deception today, we got 10 copies for ourselves and I numbered them myself, by my own numb little fingers. Now, If  you want to write a review of the album (which I'd quite like to read, since we did not send them anywhere besides now deceased Damned By Light, Grind To Death, and Inferno Magazine) it's about time you ask us right now. I'm going to take them to Hylkiö Fest next friday, and I'm gonna sell the fuck out if someone does not specifically ask for them. Although the 30 euros we're probably (not) going to make will go into the upfront payment of our new rehearsal space. We don't even have any gear to bring with us!

Lately I've been reading a lot of Samuel Beckett, poems, novels and interviews.In my opinion, he was a musician in literary world. He was criticised for fingering his own art, but to me it seemed just like arrangement, when you have different instruments, you need to re-think the concept of whatever it is you are doing. I can see the same process going on in his work, when he started translating his own work from France to English and vice versa, it's just adjusting the same work of art into a different instrumentation. The same think when you adapt plays to fit the concept of television, it's just like electrifying acoustic songs. What fascinates me the most is his view on world. I can feel the same frustration over mortality, the sometimes crushing weight of humanity over my shoulders, the consciousness that keeps feeding me hopelesness, melancholy and insecurity. This all, writing and screaming, are the things that help me release all that energy. Peter Dolving said that screaming is wasted energy, a somewhat wasted effort of a frustrated mind. I can see that, but I have no other option. The choice is simple. Either release it, or burn out. You need to feed all this negative shit to the fire, or it will burn you out. The best you can hope is that the flame dies out on exactly the same moment you run out of all the negative shit. Otherwise you'll drown into a tsunami of shit. So, to either burn or drown, these are my options. I just need to balance on the brink and make the most out of it.

I'm eagerly waiting how the other end of our new album will turn out. Now we have approximately 9 minutes ready, so we are half-way through the full-length. This is where it gets truly interesting, since there has been a lot of shit going on in all our personal lives recently, and it will have it's own effect on our music. I'm just waiting to get back to work. Frustrated for every delay. I need this now. We all do.

sunnuntai 22. kesäkuuta 2014


Few days ago I was informed, that our whole rehearsal space was flooded with sewagewater, and all our gear is probably ruined. This is quite a major set back, 'couse I was thinking that we could possibly start writing new songs now that Vili is back, but apparently some cosmic Karma has some other plans. Delaying plans. We don't even know if we have enough gear to play the shows we're supposed to play in few weeks, if the pedals work, if the guitars are ruined or anything. I know my drumset is soaked and ruined, and I really loved those drums. My whole life in music started with those drums, when my friend was bashing them in his parents house, in their small clothes room where the five of us used to practice. I lost my consciousness there more than once, because there simply was not enough room for five people and the gear. When my friend decided to sell those drums, I was the first one in line to buy them, since I was already arranging quite a few shows and the backline was usually the problem. I was happy to get those drums near me. Also, they sound amazing, so dark and deep and ambient, the best drums in the world, if you ask me. Yamaha Stage Custom set with 24" bass drum. Fuckin' aye.

So what can I do now? Pretty much nothing. I'm not used to sitting still, but I understand now, that there is nothing I can do about the situation. I am more than hundred kilometres away, occupied with work, other bands rehearsals and recordings and lacking the money to buy us a whole new gear or a new rehearsal space, so the best thing I can do is stop worrying, stop laying the stress on my friends who are there trying to figure out what happened and what damage did it cost, just wait for more information. And it's not that serious anyway. It's life.

Right now I'm gonna drink another cup of black coffee, watch some Chappelle's show and draw some more donkeys. This is what it looks like inside my brain right now anyway:

sunnuntai 8. kesäkuuta 2014

I am just so grateful for everything right now.

It's Sunday. Sunlight is sifting through the shades and lights up the room. Queens Of The Stone Age is playing their Vampire of Time And Memory inside my speakers. Everything seems still. Especially time. My brother and my friend just left. I had a great weekend, playing two shows (you can see some songs of the other band here.) and having just insanely good times with my brother and my friends. It fills my whole being with gratitude I can't even measure myself. It all seems so fucking good. There's no words to such feeling. As they closed the door behind them, I couldn't help crying two or three tears. I have noticed I've been crying more than usual lately. Just out of pure elation. For how amazing these certain human beings actually are. And the privilege of knowing these people, It's just overwhelming sometimes. I really love my life. Right here, right now.

These two gigs yesterday and Friday have been among the best in my life. I think it has lot to do of getting to scream and sing four days in a row, I've noticed it gets always better towards the end. That's why I have loved the few tours I've got to play, because it always gets better the more you play. It's inspiring. I don't like rehearsing that much unless it has an aim, a show, a recording session or especially making new songs, just rehearsing for the sake of rehearse seems like wasted time from creative point of view, and all that time could be spent exploring new things, trying out something you have not done before instead of grinding the same stone you already know better than the back of your hands. It gets boring, because it does not challenge you mentally. Of course you enhances your endurance and such, but even that makes things more boring, you get two confident and then you start making very stupid mistakes.

All I wanted to say is that this Sunday I'm more than glad to be alive, part of human species, breathing and dying on this planet. It's all just so amazing. Also one of my dearest, closest and most loved brothers is coming back from his two month tour next week. I don't get to see him in weeks, but still knowing he's back in Finland makes me feel better. Then we get back to our upcoming record and hopefully get it out before the fall. It will be our best record ever. I think it will be impossible to top these songs. So this will be the best one ever. I hope we don't fuck it up.

sunnuntai 1. kesäkuuta 2014

Blues. Blues. Blues....Blues.

I have loved blues in one form or another all my life. To me it is the definitive music of mortality, the sort of music human beings have been playing since our most primitive cultures in Africa, something that is present in all traditionals and all the folk songs all around the world. People have just put emphasis on different beats, different notes, and given it different names, but it has always been there. We have been singing the same melodies for hundreds of thousands of years (and maybe grunting them long before that), we have spread around the globe and still kept in touch through these songs.

Lately I've been listening a lot to Howlin' Wolf and Muddy Waters, but I've always loved John Lee Hooker, Skip James and Lightnin' Hopkins too, all the Blind ones and the Deaf ones and whathaveyous. All blues, no matter who it's played by, if it's played from the heart, it gets my attention. I've seen shitloads of bad blues musicians too. Once I was watching a guy, who had "Devil" in his name. He was this short little guy, overtly educated and poorly stuck in his scales. He played the songs through without emotion, his face void of all feeling. I stared at him with my mouth open, thinking to myself "where the heck is the demonic possession in this performance?!" But of course, he was just there to live out the clichés, and that never did the trick for me. Of course not all the blind one's need to be blind to be Blind Something McWhatever, but still. Howlin' Wolf DID howl a lot....

So, why am I telling all this? Because in the last two days I made these eight blues songs. You might or might not like them, it's really not in my hands, but to me it was just purely out of love for blues. And still I tried to maintain the honesty, writing lyrics that were actually TRUE to myself, instead of just fitting some clichés on top of each other. They are written from my point of view, which usually is the point of view of a one who does not fit his surroundings. But still I have my hopes of finding a place where I can feel I belong. But I just need to see where this river takes me. Until then, it's just trying to be the best person I possibly can. Trying to make the most out of it and to enjoy it.