I've been reading Jung's Polemic Essays, and there was quite a few that got me thinking. Today I read one about noise, and how people escape the silence into the numbing arms of loud noise. That is probably more true today than it was back in 1957, when the letter was originally written. We have surrounded ourselves with machines, screens and beeping things that keep our attention occupied nearly 24 hours a day, for quite a fe people probably pretty much exactly 24 hours a day. We use noise to distract ourselves, to drown and to numb that inner voice we all have. Because the ambitious whores of marketing have also realized this, they have filled in the void. Advertising has become the inner voice, it feeds us expectations, needs, urges and deeper cravings faster than we could ever develop ourselves, and because all thes voices seem so realistic, we take them as our own inner voices and let them volunteerly distract us. Why? Because their demands are easier to fulfill, than the ones' that other sound that we used to have, conscience, had in it's mind. This voice tells me I will be perfectly happy after buying a new set of furniture, the other would inquire that there's something wrong with ME, and that I would need to get off my ass and actually CHANGE something in myself...Fucketh that shite, new couch it is!
These people are afraid of silence and try to fill the gaps in noise. They have an almost neurotic need to create noise. They get frustrated and angry if they are forced to endure real silence. Silence introduces you to that other inner voice, that tells you those things you usually don't want to hear. I have spent most of my teen age years in the silence of the nature, of course it is not void of sounds, but most of those soundscapes it offers are tranquility in their own right. It's the complete void of mechanical sounds, of mechanical rhythm all these sounds have. It has it's own rhythm, which is way more chaotic, but essentially more soothing to all human beings. This is what disturbs me in almost all music: It is not chaotic enough. It is safe, it's rhythm is most of the time mechanical and dull (mainly because of metronomes, which bore the shit out of me, it kills the natural dynamics between different human beings playing in the same room) For this reason I have tried to create and find music, that would be chaotic enough, to be transcending enough to actually help me feel peace. I want music to be natural. No matter if someone thinks it sounds like shit, as long as it sounds natural, it's still more interesting than 98% per cent of everything else.
This is why I seek peace in The Resonance. It's quite hard to explain without sounding like a complete moron. I think everything is pretty much vibrations, resonance, interaction between things. Resonance is something that (according to string-theory) keeps the universe together, and to me it's the ultimate display of power. I find peace in the extremes. Either complete silence, or then the loudest possible dischord you can strike out of a guitar.. I never feel such peace as during the shows, when the guitar is resonating with full blast, to me those are the moments of peace most people find in drug abuse, they are the moments of complete freedom. I have no ego, no self, no ME. I need nothing. As long as my brother plays that guitar and our friend hits the drums as hard as he possibly can, I am complete. Without Self. It's pure, trance-like state. It's sort of Noise Meditation, that crushes me and rebuilds me from a scratch. It's the greatest force I ever knew. I need that experience every time I play live. If I don't actually get it, it leaves me thinking if this was worth doing anyway. That's why I feel somewhat uncomfortable doing anything else besides shouting. Singing-wise, I mean. I need to have that sound resonating through my whole existence, and there is probably nothing more effective, than screaming. It is something you do with your whole body, with your whole mind, and even with your soul. Soul is our conscience, third person-mind that helps us reflect on our own actions. When I scream on stage, all these three sides that create this Self are concentrating in just one thing, they are all just one force that comes out of my mouth. It leaves me exhausted, drained from all the shit I carry in my head, and I am ready to take another week of ordinary life with it's ordinary worries...it's ordinary shit.