Lately I've been dying. I know I am about to be reborn. The old me, the things that have defined me, the things that have been my Self for the past year and a half are making way to something new. I must say that I feel somewhat priviledged to be able of acknowledging such changes in myself. I know most people just realize years later that there were some turning points in their life, I can actually see the road ahead enough to tell there's gonna be some defining crossroads. And it's not the case with most people. I don't know what this new era in my life is about to bring me, I do not know how much of Me is going to get levelled down to the ground and how much will be rebuilt, how much will be merely pushed aside for the times being.
It feels like the expectations other people have towards me and my behaviour have become a shell. It shelters me from stupid people to some extent, but on the other hand I am starting to grow out of it too, and it's suffocating. So I'm simply shedding skin, becoming all that I was and someting more.
All I know is there's gonna be some changes. I am about to burn and turn to ashes, so that I can grow out of those ashes again. To me it is the most natural cycle there is, and I've gone through it many times. I am eager to see what comes out of this, but still slightly freightened, because the past phase in my life has been a pleasant one. I have learned shitloads of things about myself, my subconscious and my place in this world. I hope this new phase will teach me more humility, and some understanding of other people. After all, this phase will most likely involve another person. At least I have a strong feeling of such presence in my life right now. Affection and caring, an actual connection to another human being. I thought I was pretty much immune to such feelings, so they are quite welcome. It is far too early to even think further. Time will tell. I will find out. Now I'll just wait for the ignition, the beginning of the end, and the new beginning. I am excited.