sunnuntai 24. kesäkuuta 2012

About sundays..

For the last 20 years, sundays have been almost without exceptions quite hard for me. Sometimes laying perfectly still helps, but most of the time it just makes them worse. I hear voices in my head, asking how does it feel to have all these hangovers even though you are quite sure you were not drunk yesterday. You sat home, you did not do any drugs, and still your head aches and you're on a continuing guilt trip about all the shit you've put other people through in the past. Is it fair that other people get drunk and fuck something to feel the same? At least they get to be drunk and they get to fuck something. But still, I know, giving in to the self-pity and shame leads you nowhere but down, all the way to the bottom. Of course it's an question of attitude. If you think positive, you won't feel this way. Bullshit. There's so many X-factors on this thing you are never able to acknowledge all of them. Weather is one factor. If you have a shitty weather on sunday, you will without a doubt spend the whole day in some sort of neurosis, listening to Neurosis and feeling psychotic.

Sundays can be happy days. They can be days of cleansation, days of purification of body and mind. Today I've been cleaning my apartment, which is still in progress, because this place looks like train crash site without all the bodies. They left earlier today. But sometimes, when you manage to complete something, manage to write a little piece of music that describes how you feel about sundays, or just have a nice little jam with your friends, it can be purified. Otherwise it'll be lizards and fire and brimstone all night long. This, still, coming from the mouth of an straight and sober dude. I must endure these days, maybe read something.. Or give in, listen to some Neurosis, and perform all the housechores like some ancient rituals of redemption. I must undergo these passage rites to become clean, "thou shalt not hold filthy tablewear in thy sink". I need to take a walk on sundays, usually at night, when everyone else is fast asleep, and I can concentrate on every step, and the music that colors every step with it's spectrum of notes and their nuances.

My friends complain about mondays, but at least you can do some shit on mondays. You may have some work to do, you can go hunt some urban vacuum-packed prey on your plate, you have some actual shit to do and your friends are on the move. Sunday is the day the time has a day off. My perceptions of time are very vague and it keeps melting and twisting and turning around, now the clock says it's monday, but my head says it's still sunday. And I decide to believe my head. I don't know which one is worse for you, but I have music for both of ya. This is my own solo stuff, which apparently sounds a bit like Velvet Underground, whom I have never sacrificed enough time to listen to a whole song to the end. The other song is about Shitty Mondays, it's my friend upcoming solo record, and I had the privilidge to sing this one..

J. Kill & The Starvation Army Marching Band (which is still just me..)
Viljami - Paska Maanantai

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