I've really kinda had it with all the stupid people in the world. The past two months have shown me what I really want to do with my life, and that does not include a steady day-job with some stupid twats, who don't want to educate themselves, watch documentaries or become better people. I rather stay home, alone, lacking my social contacts but keeping my inner peace, than go out there to feel depressed just because I am not like them, and because I don't WANT to be like them. Of course the society, in order to work properly, needs it's participants either fitting in, or feeling guilt for not fitting in. You're cut to fit. If you are different, or can not adapt to the rules of this game, you must keep it to yourself, in case you have some sort of ties (loans, mortgages, shit like that) to tie you to this sinking ship. Some do it out of solidarity, some to say that at least they were part of something bigger, altough their lives were pretty insignificant. Some just say fuck it, quit it, and usually shortly after blow their brains out.
I've been working with complete fucktards, and no matter how much I love my work, it just is not worth it. We we're playing at Mikkeli Über Alles on saturday, and warming up for Canadian Fuck The Facts on sunday, and it felt MUCH BETTER than anything I've done with my life within these past two months. I have hated myself, I have had to fight for the most simpliest of basic rights of an intern, I have carried this bag of shit with me for two months and now I finally found a place to put it. I pour it upon myself, dig into it to get rid of it. Cut To Fit shows have been my only sign of hope, the only thing that has kept me sane. We don't rehearse that much anymore, and it's been a bit tough spring to all of us, so we have got together only for the shows. And to me, they have all been awesome, and I want to play more of them. As much as possible.
Also seeing Fuck The Facts live was something beyond words. I instantly felt connection with the dudes and dudette, they we're nice and kind enough to let us borrow their tour equipment. I've never met a shitty dude in a grindcore scene, not a single one. But still with some people you instantly feel like you would have known them for a long time. I went to see them again at Helsinki on tuesday, and all night I kinda missed them already, because I thought to myself, this might be the last time ever I see these guys. I sure hope they'll be back as soon as possible, or that I'll get out of here as soon as possible. I need to travel around and go see all these people I've met through this grindcore-thing. The tuesday show was great, because I got to see many of my Finnish friends as well, I don't do Helsinki that often, so it was a somewhat warm and fuzzy night of shaking hands and feeling far better about myself, than I've felt at work. Also a big fucking thanks for Fuck the Facts' Mel for her existence. After all the old hags ripping eachother apart, she was a welcome breeze. I've never felt more honestly warm inside than when I saw her first screaming her lungs out, and then skyping her child afterwards. It made me feel like there's still something right in this world. I have almost hated women on this rotten globe for these few stupid examples that have ruined it for me. Though I know it's just these few stupid people, and not any other woman elsewhere.
To get all the shit out, I wrote a little something a while ago, don't know yet if it's going to be another Cut To Fit song or not, but it's here, to make sure I'll never be mistaken as one of you. You can keep your television-filled brainrottingfestivals you call life, you can keep your booze-soaked two day weekends. Keep all that shit, I want to live for myself, play with awesome bands like Fuck The Facts and Feastem, I want to be broke, I want to be on the road all the time. This is the only thing I know I can do without fucking up all the time, and it helps me keep my sanity to extreme extents.
Rebel Without A Pause
Just to become everything you are not
To take all the chances you never got
To exclude myself from your world
To exterminate all ties to your herd
I'm rebel without a pause!
Rebel without a pause!
Rebel without a pause!
Rebel without a pause!
Just to make sure I'll never fit in
To avoid becoming weak minded and limp
To guard and to keep my inner peace
I bleed out all bad blood and get the fuck out
Rebel without a pause!...
Never submit, never take breath
Always head first, always awake
Never give in to their demands
I know what I stand for and hold on to it!